NEW YORK (Realist English). Psychologist Roni Cohen-Sandler in an article for CNBC writes about five rules that allow you to raise self-confident and intelligent children.
“Kids, especially teens and tweens, sometimes need validation that what they are thinking and feeling is normal and okay. In fact, psychologists believe that validation is one of the most powerful parenting tools, and yet it is often left out of traditional behavioral parent training programs. Validating your child’s feelings doesn’t necessarily mean you condone or agree with the actions they take. It simply means showing that you hear, understand and accept them. This can help teach them to effectively label their own emotions and be more in tune with their social environments, thereby increasing emotional intelligence.” writes Roni Cohen-Sandler.
Here are the points in question:
“Normalization of experiences”
Friendships help children develop important life skills like getting along with other people and solving conflicts. But no friendship is perfect.
Remind your child that all friendships go through ups and downs. In lasting relationships, close friends inevitably disappoint, irritate or mess up occasionally.
If your kid is receptive, tell them about similar social heartaches that their sister, cousin, or you endured at their age. These stories are irrefutable evidence that they are not alone and should not feel ashamed.
“Provide physical comfort”
For example, being hugged can lower blood pressure and instill a feeling of care and safety. For example, being hugged can lower blood pressure and instill a feeling of care and safety. Let’s say your kid is feeling upset about something. Before saying a single word, you might want to rub their back, give them a hug or hold their hand. A fifth grader once told her mother: “When I’m sad, I just need you to give me a big hug and say, ‘Yeah, that really sucks. It’s awful.’”
Not starting conversations right away also gives your kid time to prepare to talk about their distress.
“Quality tops quantity”
Tweens often gauge self-worth by how many friends they have. They don’t recognize yet that the quality of relationships matters more. One study found that teens who had many — but more superficial — school friends became more anxious as young adults.
Plus, contrary to what most kids think, being popular doesn’t alleviate loneliness. Popularity, a social status that is driven by exerting power through rumors and put-downs, is inherently unstable and therefore difficult to maintain.
Research demonstrates that along with peer acceptance, at least one strong, healthy friendship predicts both good school performance and psychological well-being (e.g., high self-esteem and less anxiety).
“Focus on the positives”
Kids often dwell on one social slight or disappointment, which in that moment looms larger and more pressing than all the positives in their lives. While empathizing with your child’s distress, refocusing their attention on their most recent triumphs and pleasures lets them appreciate the bigger and brighter picture.
Tell your kid that although they are going through a rough time now, it will not last forever. Things will get better. They just need to be patient while they and their peers mature.